All My Fault, Always
by Countess De Eqlipse
Summary: ‘Answers that I don’t really want,’ her teeth briefly closed over her lower lip under her emotion onslaught. ‘Why do you hate me so much…?’ Because I’m me, she should have answered. But she hadn’t the guts to say it. Even to herself.


Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and co.

Meh, just a quick one shot on how Kagome might feel at some point in time with Inuyasha. I wrote it when I was feeling this way...so yeah.

**All My Fault, Always.**

* * *

'_Why is it always my fault?' _Kagome couldn't help but ask herself.

The wind tugged restlessly at her ebony locks as she pulled her legs up to rest her chin on her knees.

'_Why am I not good enough,' _a sigh burst forth from her slightly parted lips.

She felt congested, her nose stung and her eyes burned. Everyday the young woman felt as if she walked outside the world, filling in for someone. Trying to keep another person's place in line. Someone better. More useful. More talented. More smart. More beautiful. And every time she really thought about it…there seemed no use for her. Depressed settled in heavily upon her, weighing her body down physically.

It hurt…Like a son of a bitch. Doing your best but not being enough. Oh, it stung. The complaints. Pain thrust itself through her body once again. The hidden insults. But that didn't really matter…the past doesn't matter.

"Just…push it away," clutching at herself she whispered lowly. "It can't hurt you in the back of your mind."

Try to hide from it all. It dulls the pain, pushing it away makes it all better. Still, her throat remained tight.

'_It doesn't matter…nothing matters_,' she willed herself to believe her own words.

But still it hurt. Still those little words chipped away at her shattering heart. Why is it always me? Why not someone else? It is as if misery dwelled at her doorstep and chuckled fiendishly at every turn. A spark of pain spiked from her scalp and Kagome surfaced from her thoughts. Somehow her fingers had found their way to her hair and tangled themselves in the mass. Pulling once again, she grimaced. This pain somewhat dulled the other…

'_Why hurt myself? That would only give them more of a reason to complain_,' the young woman winced, her fingernails digging into her scalp as she shakes her head. '_Everything is my fault_.'

A whine of inhuman depression speared through the air. Allowing her eyes to flutter closed; Kagome sucked a slow breath into her lungs and let it out. Why ask questions? Questions only prompted answers. Again the young miko shook her head.

'_Answers that I don't really want_,' her teeth briefly closed over her lower lip under her emotion onslaught. '_Why do you hate me so much…?_'

Because I'm me, she should have answered. But she hadn't the guts to say it. Even to herself. The sky was clear of clouds, a wonderful night most would think. For Kagome, the night brought questions she had to ask but didn't really want answers for. In the middle of the night…here, in this valley just beyond the village she could release everything. It was comfort and torture wrapped up into one neat package.

"Just push it aside…Don't think about it, then it doesn't matter. It can't hurt you," the distraught priestess spoke to herself shakily.

Yet it did, everything said, struck home. Simple cruel words, buzzed in her head, striking ruthlessly. Someone once told her that words couldn't hurt you if you didn't let them. Oh, but they miscalculated, words left you vulnerable. Free to be lashed upon viciously. All you needed was the right person, the right words. It was so simple to tear away someone's pride and self-respect. And in those very moments you hate yourself for being that weak.

"_Do I hate myself," _Kagome's eyebrows drew together slowly.

She really didn't know. Carefully, she shoved it all from her mind.

"This is nothing…like everything else…It doesn't matter. Nothing matters…It doesn't hurt," she mumbled determinedly.

At the very edges of her conscious thought she could feel the numbness moving in, sighed in satisfaction as it took away the hurt that always accompanied those thoughts. Taking in steady breaths she allowed a small melancholy smile to curl her lips. Blocking things out worked...At least it always had in the past. Faintly, she heard her name. Lifting her head, she tilted her head to the side. Dark tresses falling in a curtain to her left side, he was near…

"Kagome," Inuyasha yelled in annoyance.

As always his voice was rough with frustration, probably at having to go and find her. Lifting herself from the grass she brushed off her skirt and glanced back over the valley. White roses spread bloomed widely over the area. With a sigh she began her journey toward him.

"Kagome! Get your lazy ass here now! You better not be sleepy tomorrow and slow us down! Stupid girl," the hanyou growled out.

The young reincarnate shook her head, not for the first time that night. It was always the same, forcing it all away, she trudged onward faster. The asperasions.

"Coming Inuyasha," she shouted.

Inside her soul seemed to groan in melancholy ",_I'll never be good enough_."


End file.
